Afraid Of Being Alone
11th June 2019
This particular blog was written in the middle of last month, I was working through a lot during that month and many things were coming up for me, I have since reached a point of realisation for which I will be blogging about soon.
Today I would like to share my feelings of isolation. I have always had this fear of being left alone, with no one to love me or keep me company. I feel this can be more illuminated by the progression of my sight loss. One of the most recent progressions for me is that I no longer see peoples faces, I have tried to cope with this change, however I need to work some more on releasing the negative beliefs that surround this situation. One of these beliefs is that I am losing the people I love, this could be tied into my over investing habits, this is where I begin to put relationships before my own needs. I can see this is just an emotional reaction to the fear of losing people, I give so much of myself, feel so deeply and then lose myself in the process.
I had a very interesting visualisation whilst meditating recently. I visualised myself standing on a large floating platform, like a raft, slowly the raft began to break up into smaller rafts and began to float away from me. I was left standing alone on this central piece of the platform, whilst the people I care about started to float away from me. The one thing I did notice however, was that I was still standing, although alone, I could hold myself upright on my own. I take from this a very important lesson for me, I am able to stand alone, take care of myself and feel the solidarity within me. I do not need to give so much of myself away to create solidarity with others, if I can stand still with this and go within, I can find what I need within myself.
I believe that the sight loss over the years has taken so much of my independence, where I have to ask for help or have other people there to support me it can make me lose that inner trust and independence that I already have. To change that thought process and replace it with a more positive, nurturing belief will help me move through this current emotional block.
i also struggle with the fact that I never got to be a mum, thats a whole other blog, in fact it is something I talk about in my book in depth. The fear of being left alone can tie in with the fact that I’ve never had children, to feel that unconditional love, that I can only imagine you feel between a mother and a child. I feel that I will be alone when I’m old, I know I have the greatest husband by my side, but I can trigger myself into the fear of losing him. Nobody knows our fate, I always joke around with him, telling him that I will leave this earth before him! However behind the humour, lays a very deep inset belief, that I really cannot even think about being left with no one. This is another reason to acknowledge I need to work further within my self development so that I can address these feelings and emotions.
I share my mind with you as I feel it is so important to show how, even though I’ve come so far with my journey, there is always more to learn and work on, it’s a continual path of discovery, that will constantly challenge us, yet the challenge is the reward with which we can grow even more from.