Afraid Of Being Alone

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11th June 2019

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This particular blog was written in the middle of last month, I was working through a lot during that month and many things were coming up for me, I have since reached a point of realisation for which I will be blogging about soon.

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Today I would like to share my feelings of isolation.  I have always had this fear of being left alone, with no one to love me or keep me company.  I feel this can be more illuminated by the progression of my sight loss.  One of the most recent progressions for me is that I no longer see peoples faces, I have tried to cope with this change, however I need to work some more on releasing the negative beliefs that surround this situation.  One of these beliefs is that I am losing the people I love, this could be tied into my over investing habits, this is where I begin to put relationships before my own needs.  I can see this is just an emotional reaction to the fear of losing people, I give so much of myself, feel so deeply and then lose myself in the process.

 

I had a very interesting visualisation whilst meditating recently.  I visualised myself standing on a large floating platform, like a raft, slowly the raft began to break up into smaller rafts and began to float away from me.  I was left standing alone on this central piece of the platform, whilst the people I care about started to float away from me.  The one thing I did notice however, was that I was still standing, although alone, I could hold myself upright on my own.  I take from this a very important lesson for me, I am able to stand alone, take care of myself and feel the solidarity within me.  I do not need to give so much of myself away to create solidarity with others, if I can stand still with this and go within, I can find what I need within myself.

 

I believe that the sight loss over the years has taken so much of my independence, where I have to ask for help or have other people there to support me it can make me lose that inner trust and independence that I already have.  To change that thought process and replace it with a more positive, nurturing belief will help me move through this current emotional block.

 

i also struggle with the fact that I never got to be a mum, thats a whole other blog, in fact it is something I talk about in my book in depth.  The fear of being left alone can tie in with the fact that I’ve never had children, to feel that unconditional love, that I can only imagine you feel between a mother and a child.  I feel that I will be alone when I’m old, I know I have the greatest husband by my side, but I can trigger myself into the fear of losing him.  Nobody knows our fate, I always joke around with him, telling him that I will leave this earth before him!  However behind the humour, lays a very deep inset belief, that I really cannot even think about being left with no one.  This is another reason to acknowledge I need to work further within my self development so that I can address these feelings and emotions.

 

I share my mind with you as I feel it is so important to show how, even though I’ve come so far with my journey, there is always more to learn and work on, it’s a continual path of discovery, that will constantly challenge us, yet the challenge is the reward with which we can grow even more from.